I Don't Get It: Iron Lung (2026)
Iron Lung, as I (don't) understand it
THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR IRON LUNG (2026)
Some time in the distant future, all of the trees died except one, but that one might also be dead, too.
Humanity is in space because the Earth is probably fucked, also all the stars are dying or dead, and people barely exist anymore. There is, however, a moon with a great treasure on it: an ocean full of blood. All the blood you could ever want.
Markiplier is a convict, and in exchange for his freedom (maybe), he gets welded into a submarine that can glurp through the blood ocean. He gets deployed from some boat or maybe a space ship or something, dangling down by a big chain, but the chain doesn't really stay on or they could just pull him up when he got in trouble and there wouldn't be much of a movie.
Mark has to navigate the blood ocean like single player Battleship and take pictures after he moves. He uses an X-ray camera so that he can see through the blood, which I also like to imagine leaves a big gelatinous cone of baked blood behind every time he uses it. I don't remember what he was supposed to be looking for, but neither does Mark.
Eventually, he finds bones. The people up top have a boner for bones, and get prone bone at the prospect of catching a bone and emboning their boneless lives. His sub gets equipped with a bone catcher: it seems like it's some kind of spike that he has to bone the bone with. He also fries the people on the surface with his X-ray camera, which makes them upset/die, but he agrees to go back down to the bone zone.
Mark goes back to grab his bone. There's no more bone in the bone zone and he's all alone: or is he? A big bone baddie starts photoboning his X-ray pictures. It's actually kind of chill, I think.
Mark gets lost or maybe eaten and shit out, and finds another sub that has information on it after taking some pictures of a blood bussy — but he can't unlock the computer on the other sub it because it has a strong password. He reaches toward the surface enough to contact the boat/ship and tells them about the sub, and they have a way bigger boner for whatever data is on the sub. He doesn't really want to, but is like fine I guess.
He starts hearing someone talking to him through the speaker. It's probably the big bone baddie. Eventually, Mark realizes that, despite hearing the voice through the speaker, the wire on the back has been broken: it's now a bone phone. Also, I forgot to mention that there was possibly a meat man on his sub with him, but that didn't turn out to be a very big deal. Also, the blood ocean is made of human blood.
The chick from the surface is coming down in her own sub to help get the data from the crashed sub. That probably happened earlier, but I really can't remember the order of anything in this movie. Anyway, she gets fuckin ated by a blood baddie.
Mark has flashbacks about maybe blowing some place called Filament Station up. They keep hammering this phrase "Filament Station" into your ears without actually explaining jack shit, so I stopped caring what happened to it. The voice talking to him gets pissed that he maybe blew Filament Station up. We learn that Mark might be a sick lil freak, but he insists he's not.
The window cracks at some point and juices Mark up, and it makes him see a vision of a bodacious blood boss who also calls him the Butcher. There's also something about a ray of light that the voice wants him to find that is going to help us understand everything, but we never reach it and that might be why we understand nothing, instead.
Mark gets the data from the sub, and the monster is super pissed about it, but I don't know why. He's going to release it to the surface in a flotation jacket and the monster chomps his ship. Blood is all over the dang place. Mark contracts blood fungus which starts to get all sticky on the walls of his sub. Mark gets fully juiced up but the data device reaches the surface. We don't really learn what was in it, or what anything meant. The credits roll.
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